LardBucket.org

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Tommy: Can I bike there?
Andy: It's on the Internet. Probably not.
Tommy: Are you sure? I could get a light cycle.

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Tommy: Normal people can count out the square root of their IQ on their fingers.

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Tommy: What's "proffering"?
Andy: It's the same as "offering".
Tommy: Please "prexplain" to me how adding "pr" to a word doesn't change its meaning?

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Tommy: If the syntax of the English language was based on the number of syllables in a sentence, the world would be a lot simpler and more confusing.
Andy: What?
Tommy: It had the right number of syllables.

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Tommy: Everyone knows it's easier to drink than to eat. To eat you need to spend calories. To drink you just need to not drown.

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Tommy: You know, mashed potatoes are a novelty in Asia. It's because they can't be eaten with chopsticks.
Annie: You could if they were really chunky.
Tommy: You could, but you wouldn't have a 100% success rate and anything that's not a 100% success rate in Asia is not acceptable.

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Tommy: My dream is to, one day, climb the Tower of Hanoi.

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Kemp: So without static friction you would end up just flying off the banked edge of the offramp and probably crash.
Tommy: Unless you're awesome.

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Andy: Are you okay being outside without a jacket?
Tommy: It's fine. I'm homeopathic.

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Tommy: You can tell the good toaster ovens from the bad ones because the good ones have instructions on the front telling you what to do "if contents ignite".