lardbucket: quotes - browse

Quote:
Tommy: No, you don't get it, [Aunt Tracy]. You came here from Asia so your kids don't have to take calculus when they're 14.

Quote:
Tommy: Can I bike there?
Andy: It's on the Internet. Probably not.
Tommy: Are you sure? I could get a light cycle.

Quote:
Tommy: Normal people can count out the square root of their IQ on their fingers.

Quote:
Tommy: What's "proffering"?
Andy: It's the same as "offering".
Tommy: Please "prexplain" to me how adding "pr" to a word doesn't change its meaning?

Quote:
Tommy: If the syntax of the English language was based on the number of syllables in a sentence, the world would be a lot simpler and more confusing.
Andy: What?
Tommy: It had the right number of syllables.

Quote:
Tommy: Everyone knows it's easier to drink than to eat. To eat you need to spend calories. To drink you just need to not drown.

Quote:
Tommy: You know, mashed potatoes are a novelty in Asia. It's because they can't be eaten with chopsticks.
Annie: You could if they were really chunky.
Tommy: You could, but you wouldn't have a 100% success rate and anything that's not a 100% success rate in Asia is not acceptable.

Quote:
Tommy: My dream is to, one day, climb the Tower of Hanoi.

Quote:
Kemp: So without static friction you would end up just flying off the banked edge of the offramp and probably crash.
Tommy: Unless you're awesome.

Quote:
Andy: Are you okay being outside without a jacket?
Tommy: It's fine. I'm homeopathic.